Who knew?? This is an actual post on the blog.
Many things have happened in the almost two years since I have posted here. I have moved, had a daughter graduate from college and move to Ireland for a year for an internship. My mother passed away in September of 2014 and that has led to the renewal of a relationship with my dad after almost 10 years.
I have recently come out of the haze of depression that had colored my life murky for almost three years. It is a slow process. The problem with depression is that it makes you very self-focused. Depending on the circumstances that can be a good thing, as it leads you to discovering the dark places in you that you tend to gloss over when feeling “human”. Sometimes, I feel like I learned a lot and other times, not so much.
How does this lead into my One Word for the new year? It is this: I feel like I have survived the depression and am ready to unleash myself onto the world and ministry. I have my own ideas about how this is to happen and God seems to have a completely different plan. One I am not too on board with.
I have leadership skills but not many places to use them. I feel like I have wisdom and no real place to share it. Here it is though, most of that is a lie. I have done both in the last three months, in places that I love but I don’t think are “enough” and not necessarily where I want to be. This is where the word HUMBLE comes in.
When I pick a word for the year I also find a bible verse that epitomizes what I want/need that to mean. This year it is 1 Peter 5:6 in the ESV:
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
Now I don’t know about you, but my pride wants to exalt myself every stinking time. I want what I want, when and where I want it and that will quickly separate me from God and doing his will. His agenda is so much bigger and better than mine, but mine is manageable under my own power, not a stretch.
But, here’s the thing. You are not humbling yourself out in front of everyone and their judgmental brother. You are humbling yourself under the protection of God’s mighty hand, which is a lot like being under His wings. I have to be honest though, that last part, the part about being exalted, that scares me. I want to control what that looks like and part of me wants to stay small but seen.
What does this look like for the new year? It will be me humbling myself right here on this blog. I have no coding skills to make this pretty and functional and the perfectionist in me is screaming. I am extremely random and not prone to do things I don’t think I am good at, especially for audiences that I can’t control.
But, I will go back to last year’s word, which was worthy; and 2 Thessalonians 1:11:
To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you WORTHY of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power
Thanks for riding this crazy wave with me.