I have been quiet in this space for a while. I had good intentions of being here more, but as usual life had other plans.
My sweet and godly grandmother passed away March 16. She had suffered from Alzheimer’s for over 12 years and to be honest I am so glad that she is dancing in heaven with her Savior, husband, daughter and other loved ones.
All that to say, my biological family is more than slightly dysfunctional. God has had me walking the journey of pursuing Him for fulfillment instead of them. The last eight months have been really long, digging down into roots that have been there since I was a child.
One of the core roots that I discovered, was, I held myself personally responsible for my family’s happiness, my mom’s in particular. Whether that was implied at an early age, me being the first child or what, I’m not sure.
When you feel responsible to hold a family together that doesn’t know how to or even want to be held together, you can crack under the pressure. Unfortunately, I cracked and if not for Christ, I would have been consumed.
I think as women, we want the picture perfect, healthy family. While that is not necessarily possible with our biological families, we can stand in the gap for our own husband and children.
While I viewed my severely fractured family as a failure (and I don’t do failure well) God was trying to get my attention. He brought to mind Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I can do anything God has asked of me because HE will strengthen me for the task. He did not ask me to hold my biological family together and when I tried to do it in my own strength, it almost crushed me completely.
I want you to know that I KNOW about that longing of wanting parents or siblings that love you and want to spend time with you because of who you are not what they can get from you.
Please leave a comment below on how I can pray for you today.
God loves you so much. Let Him be your rock and your salvation. Psalm 62:2